Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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