So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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