After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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