it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
