Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
