Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
