Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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