my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
