She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
