What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
