I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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