Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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