my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh god it's open bar.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
