New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
