dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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