It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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