I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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