Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
