I can tuck mytits in my pants
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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