I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize