You really coming over, don't trick.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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