if you like me you must not know who I am
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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