he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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