Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize