Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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