i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
