it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
