I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am spending my child support on dildos
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
