can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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