you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize