ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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