i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
