office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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