Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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