At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
