There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
