college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
