I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
