You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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