When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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