It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
