just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
