What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize