you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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