Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
