i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
