Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize