White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
