You made me cry and you don't even care
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
