i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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