the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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