you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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