Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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