I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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