my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
