I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
