Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
