Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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