I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
