Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
