We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
