Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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