bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
