Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
