At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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