We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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