I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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