I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
