i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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