You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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