ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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