i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
