After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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