what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
