covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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