I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
