You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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