I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
