Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
