I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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