I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
