she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize