I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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