Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
