Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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