this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
