there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
