There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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