he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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