Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
