nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
